Tip #1 - Read to Your Child Everyday
Read to your Child everyday, even if it is only a couple of pages at a time! Sometimes have your child read to you, even if a smaller child is only looking at pictures and re-telling the story as he or she remembers it. Children are learning to read as they listen to you! Show them how to follow along with the words aswell.

Children aged 0 – 2 Years
For babies you can show them baby books with pictures and say the word for the picture as you show it to them. Your baby will have a short attention span, so do this activity only as long as the child pays attention. Try to repeat the activity several times a day.
You can also read a chapter of a storybook to them until they go to sleep or as long as they stay interested!

Children ages 3 – 5 Years
At this age, your child enjoys you reading them short Children’s Books, looking at books with more advanced pictures or animation and more words that they can learn. Your child will want to hear their favorite stories over and over again. This is just part of their learning process. When they know the story well enough, they will want to “read” it to you! Let them tell you the story from the pictures as they remember it. Help them only if they get stuck or ask. When they get to the point of wanting to follow the actual words, point out the words on the page as they say them and help them with the words they do not remember. Your child will begin recognise certain words!

Children ages 6 – 8 Years
At this age your child will enjoy you reading Chapter Books to them. Read only as long as they are interested! If you read to them at bedtime, do not read suspenseful stories. I read Frank Peretti’s Children’s Books to my son. He asked me to stop reading them at bedtime because he had a hard time sleeping afterwards. We both loved the books, but they were too suspenseful for bedtime.

Also have your child read to you. Try different age level books with them. If they want to read a small portion of a more advanced book, help them sound out any words they do not know. As they progress, ask them to try to sound out the word before you help them. Also have them read easier books sometimes, in order to build their speed of reading. If they do not read smoothly, practice a sentence or two with them. Have your Child read the sentence, and then you read it. Then have the child try it again!

Use your ‘Reading Time’ as teaching time and always talk about what you have just read with them so you know that they have followed and comprehend the storyline!

Children ages 9 – 12
You can take turns reading with your child. You can either take turns every other day, or even on the same day. Your child may start reading, and then ask you to take over. It is better for you to take over and keep the experience enjoyable, then to frustrate your Child!

At this age, when I read to my son, I was able to choose the books I would read to him. This became a teaching time for me. I read a book to him about growing up and the changes he would go through.

To help improve your child's reading comprehension, ask them questions about what you are reading. Can they connect any part of the story to a real life situation or person?
At different points in a story book, ask them to predict what they think is going to happen. Talk about what you have just read with them so you know that they have followed and comprehend the storyline!

Tip #2 - Build Your Child's Self Esteem
Help Build Your Child's Self Esteem by Giving Your Child Positive Feedback and Reinforcement!

Compliment your child on the things he or she does correctly. This builds self-esteem and your child will be happier!

All children love when you compliment them on something they have created or know has done right. That's human nature - we all love compliments! Since we are trying to teach our children, they often hear more negative comments then positive ones. A guide I try to follow is to say at least three or four positive comments for every negative one I find myself saying.

Remember to compliment behaviors like kindness, empathy, understanding and compassion. Correct behavior that bothers you and compliment behavior that you want to reinforce!

By giving your child positive attention, they won't feel the need to misbehave to get your attention!

Children should learn to do the right things because it feels right or because it makes other people happy. If you praise your child for doing her chores, she learns that by doing her chores it pleases you. On the other hand, if you promise a reward for doing the chores, she will only do the chores to get her reward.

Make sure the child knows what your expectations are. If you tell your cjhild to clean her room, does that mean pick everything up off the floor and put it where it belongs?
Children are very literal and will often do exactly what you say. If you say pick everything up off the floor, they may pick everything up and put it on their bed. If you complain about how she did the chore – that is negative feedback. Instead, find ways to state what you want accomplished. You could ask a question like, “Is everything off of the floor and put where it belongs?” If she answers yes, but you still see her dolls on the floor, then ask her, “Where do the dolls belong?”

Consider never calling your child a liar. If you catch him or her in a lie, point out the evidence that supports the fact that he or she is lying. If you suspect a lie but have no observable evidence that the child would understand that implicates him or her, go forward as though you believe him or her. It is better to let him think he has gotten away with lying here and there, than to damage the relationship by calling him a liar.
When your children accomplish tasks, be sure to thank them or praise them. Be sure to always tell your children when you are proud of them!

Tip #3 - Avoid Temper Tantrum Child Behavior Problems
Consistency Leads to a Happy Child - so be as ‘consistent’ as possible!

I consider myself a very flexible person. However, when it comes to discipline, you have to be as consistent as possible. This can be tiring, but it definitely has its rewards!

Children are constantly testing your limits - their boundaries! Testing limits is a natural part of growing up. Children actually like limits, even though they will never say so. Limits are like fences that keep the child in the yard. They feel protected inside the fence. When they do not have a fence to stop them, they will feel insecure and scared!

To begin making things better, first decide which behaviors are most important to you. Work on being consistent with your response to your child on one or two of the behaviors that you want to improve.

REMEMBER that giving in to negative behavior rewards the child for the bad behavior and they will act that way again because it worked!

If your son throws a tantrum in the store because you said you are not going to buy the toy he wants and then you give in and buy it anyway, you have just communicated to your child that throwing a tantrum works! If you say no, then mean NO! If you are not sure whether you can buy the toy that day, tell the child. My mother use to tell me that she would see if she had enough money. Today you may have to be more specific and say that you cannot spend that much money that particular day. When my son was little and I said I didn't have enough money, he would say, "Then charge it on your credit card." This could be turned into a teachable moment where you explain to the child how credit works, and the item still has to be paid for later which will cost more!

I use to visit with a couple with an extended family. He had a daughter, she had a daughter and a son, and then they had a baby together. When the baby was about 4 years old she would cry and fuss until she got her way. Someone in the family would get her what she wanted just to shut her up. I was babysitting her one day, and I did not have any problems with her. She learned quickly that I did not give in to her!

Children figure out quickly what they can and cannot get away with when with a particular person. Your child will have strict teachers as well as teachers that are not strict. They will act differently for each one.

As you are more consistent with your child, they will start responding appropriately. Working on one or two behaviors will make it easier with other behaviors.

Remember: Tip #2 - Give your child positive feedback!
Compliment your child for his or her good behaviors!

You may have to write notes to yourself to help remind you to look for the positive behaviors. Those are the ones that you want to reinforce.

Punishment

*** Please note that we do not promote any of the forms of punishment below that Bonnie Foshee has outlined … these are to be used purely as a guide … and of course only if this is how you desire to punish your child! ***

Do not use going to bed early as punishment. Going to bed should be a time to relax and get comfortable. Use ‘Time-Outs’ instead!

The number of minutes a child is in time-out should relate to the age of the child. For example, five-year-olds time-out should last five minutes long!

If time-outs are not working or the child has done something that warrants spanking - then spank them. If your child runs out into the street, you don't put the child in time-out, you spank him or her. The child needs to know the seriousness of what they did. If you are very upset or angry, take a minute or two to calm down before the spanking. And when you do spank, only spank a set number of times, such as three licks. If licks ever have to be added on tell the child, before the spanking, how many licks there will be. This adds a sense of control that both child and parent can benefit from.

You also need to find the most effective punishment for each child. My son was very strong-willed. There were times that spanking was totally ineffective with him, especially as he grew older. You have to take away a privilege that they enjoy. For a while, taking away TV privileges worked with my son. As he grew older, taking away his privileges to play on the computer was his worst punishment. For many children it will be taking away video game time. Whatever punishment works, make sure the time suits the crime. What I mean is, the length of time the punishment is to last should be comparable to how serious the child's misbehavior was. The punishment that will be effective will be different for each child, and will change as they grow.

Consistency with punishing misbehavior is very important. Once you tell your child that certain misbehaviors will be punished, it is very important to follow through. If you use the punishment only when you feel like it, you will make the problem worse. Your child gets the message that you do not mean what you say.

Consistency Shows Love
Consistency is an expression of love and caring. When you are consistent, your children will feel more secure. They will feel that you care, even though they may say the opposite. Remember that the fence - the limit - is security! Your child will take you more seriously and think more carefully about their decisions and actions.

When you respond to misbehavior consistently, the misbehavior will decrease. When you respond to misbehavior inconsistently, the misbehavior will increase.

With consistency, the child will be happier and so will you!

Tip #4 - Limit Your Child's Choices
Do you give your child too many choices? If you find yourself fussing at your child because she cannot make up her mind about what to wear, or at your son because he can’t decide what he wants to eat, maybe the problem is TOO many choices!

Have you ever had a problem making a decision? If you only have two choices instead of ten, isn’t it easier?

When your daughter first started school, you probably picked out the clothes that she would wear each day. As your daughter grew, she wanted to pick out her own clothes. Start letting her pick by giving her two choices. If she cannot make up her mind, tell her that if she doesn’t decide by the time a timer goes off, or the clock hand reaches the 5 (or whatever mark is in less then 5 minutes), then you get to choose! You will be surprised how quick she will make the decision then!
As another example, instead of asking a child what she wants to wear to a party, provide three acceptable outfits and have her choose one!

The same can be done at mealtimes; you do not have to let your child determine what is for dinner. We’ll talk more about mealtimes in the next tip!

Dealing with stress creates an unhappy environment. So strive to keep yourself happy, and remember to limit your stress by giving your children minimal choices to choose from. With less stress, your child will be happy too!

Tip #5 - How to Have a Happy Child
MUM & DAD has to be Happy!

Your child will usually be like either mummy or daddy. They even model things from the parents’ lives that we do not want them to model. Have you ever heard your child say something then realise that they are repeating something you said? Sometimes you hear your child say something, and you wonder, “Do I sound like that?”

You hear your oldest daughter in the other room say to her younger sister; “Stop that this instant or I’m going to …” Fill in the blank with whatever it is you would say. Our children mimic our good behavior as well as our bad. There are rare children that are different, but they have usually learned a behavior from someone they know.

Another thing that children learn from their parents is their attitude toward life. If you are happy, the children will sense that, and they will be happy. Do you let small things upset you? I like the phrase, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” If your child spills their glass of milk, you show them how to clean it up and have them help. When the child is capable of cleaning it up, then you have the child clean it up.

This is why consistency and all the above tips matter so much. If the child knows what to expect, they will learn to live by your rules. I have also mentioned finding a balance. I have seen children raised under very strict rules who rebel as soon as they are out from under their parents' control. Of course the other extreme of too little guidance and supervision, results in the child doing harm to him or herself because they are seeing how far you are going to let them go.

Children need to learn that there are consequences to every action. If a child does good school work they get good grades. If a child gets in trouble in school, they may have to stay after school or miss play time. The parent should not bail them out, unless the punishment is truly not justified.

Another thing to consider is that it is good for families to eat dinner together. This should be a relaxed time where everyone can share about how their day was. Even if you often eat at restaurants, try to have as many of the immediate family members present as possible.

When you cook at home, your children need to realise that it is not a restaurant where they get more choices. If your child doesn't eat what you cook, there are different ways to handle the situation. My niece is a stay at home mum and has to be very thrifty in order to be able to stay at home. She says that if you let the child skip the meal because they don't want to eat what you cooked, the child will learn to eat after going hungry a couple of times. Allowing the child the choice to not eat what is offered, and letting them skip a meal, may teach the child to eat what you offer next time. This will be stressful at first, but it will reduce the stress in the future.

Whether you would let your child go hungry or not is a very personal decision, but remember that you are responsible for making sure your child eats nutritious food. You are helping form the child’s eating habits.

If you find yourself cooking multiple different foods to please everyone, you are going to stress yourself out. When you are stressed, you will not be happy. You have to be happy if your children are going to be happy.

I personally tried to find an acceptable balance. I would make my children at least taste a new food. If they didn’t like it, I would not make them eat it. I always made sure that there were at least one or two kinds of food that they would eat at each meal. At dinner, I would always include at least one or two vegetables that the children would eat. I had a step-son who did not like spaghetti. Whenever I made spaghetti, I would make him a hamburger. Since I used hamburger in my spaghetti, this only meant one more pan.

Do not allow yourself to be stressed at mealtime because you are trying to make something different for everyone. Find whatever balance works for you and encourage your child to eat healthy foods. This makes life easier on the parent, who is then more joyful, which is ultimately good for the child.
If your child does not eat enough healthy food, it may be time to resort to letting them go hungry until they do learn to eat different foods. If you can't bring yourself to do this, then add some fruit that the child will eat to the meal.

Try to provide meals that reflect at least four natural colors. Brown cereal flakes, red strawberries, white milk and orange juice are a good example of a four-color breakfast. (Pink Pop tarts and green jelly beans don't count!) You need to establish your child's healthy eating habits.

Mealtime should be spent together as often as possible, even if it is at a restaurant. Mealtime should also be a happy time, so don’t let yourself be stressed over it.

So strive to keep yourself happy. Make time to have fun. Have a family fun day at least once a week. Unplug the phone and play games, work on a tree house, go to a museum, go on a hike, make popcorn and watch a family movie, play music and dance together, etc. Children grow up very quickly, enjoy them while you can. When they are grown, their fondest memories will be of times that the family did fun things together.

Tip #6 - Teaching Your Child Respect for Others
It goes without saying that respect toward others is one of the most important characteristics to instill in a child. Children that grow up “person sensitive,” with respect for others, are better equipped to interact socially in a healthy manner.
Respect can mean an attitude of admiration or obedience, but regard for the feelings, possessions and individuality of others is the type of respect we will discuss. The most important step in teaching your child to respect others is by setting an example!

A child who isn’t treated respectfully will have difficulty learning to treat others with respect. The following can go a long way in helping your child feel respected:
• Exercise fairness, not favoritism in regards to how you treat each child!
• When making a promise, keep it!
• Actively listen to your child; give feedback!
• Teach politeness by example!
• Don’t embarrass your child; avoid disciplining them, poking fun at them, or talking negatively about them in the presence of others!
• Be liberal with compliments!
• Allow your child to express feelings; whether happy feelings, or “bad” feelings!
• Respect your child’s right to privacy; for example, knock before entering their room!
• Be honest; when you make a mistake, admit it!

Mutual respect between parent and child is the key!

The most basic lesson in teaching respect for others is to instill in your child the age-old principle, “do unto others as you would want them to do unto you." This concept helps a child develop sensitivity toward the feelings of others, and can be taught to even very young children.


For instance, if a child becomes distraught that their favorite toy is being dominated by a sibling, explain to both children the importance of the willingness to share. Also explain the need to respect other’s possessions and the importance of asking permission to use something that belongs to someone else, instead of just taking it!

Tip #7 - How to Help Your Child Cope with Conflict and Crisis
Even when both parents are careful to ensure that family life runs smoothly, conflicts and crisis are bound to happen. Whether resulting from relationship problems, the loss of a job, financial difficulties, illness, or the loss of a family member, friend, or pet. Helping your child cope with anxiety is important.

Ways to Cope with Stress
Play therapy with a child in crisis situations is one of the best ways to help children regain a sense of control and better cope with conflict and stress. Provide such toys as blocks, family figures, toy houses, cars, etc.

Acknowledging your child’s feelings by allowing them to talk freely about the stressful situation and express themselves is healthy. However, be careful not to let your own anxiety spill over onto your child.


Try to maintain the family routine as much as possible; stories at bedtime, eating together as a family, play times, etc. The closer you keep to the normal, daily routine, the less anxious your child will feel, and the greater their sense of security.

Child in Crisis
Many children who go through a crisis regress. Children that once slept soundly through the night may have difficulty sleeping. Small children who were potty trained may start having accidents. Even older children might experience episodes of incontinence.


Although parents need to address problem areas, they should do so with sensitivity and understanding. Otherwise they could add to the child’s anxiety or create a parent child conflict that would compound the problem.

Other Symptoms of Regression
Angry outbursts, bouts of crying, and thumb sucking; withdrawal, clinginess, inability to concentrate, and inattentiveness to parent’s requests are other common signs of regression. If these behaviors persist for a month or more, seek the services of a professional trained to work with traumatised children.

Helping your child learn to cope will take time, effort, and understanding. The good news is that children are resilient; and helping your child cope during difficult times can result in a stronger parent/child relationship!

For more tips from Bonnie, you are encouraged to visit her website CHILD SUCCESS SECRETS!